Will Making Porn Taboo Only Increase Its Appeal for Kids?

Most adults agree that it’s not healthy for kids to view pornography. But every blue moon we hear from someone who thinks that our efforts are in vain, and maybe even damaging to kids. Should we just accept pornography, stop making such a fuss over it, and give our kids over to the inevitable invasion of the porn industry?

"Whatever You Make Taboo Will Flourish"

We, of course, don't think so and neither does our friend and fellow activist Matt Fradd. In April, Matt created the video How Do You Warn Kids about Porn? which highlights our book, Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids, as a tool for parents to use in teaching their kids how to reject pornography. But as you can see below, not everyone agrees that warning kids will work.

One person who thinks our fight is in vain responded to the video.

Here’s an excerpt from his comments:

“Whatever you make taboo will flourish and heighten interest. Growing up, my mom did that nonsense of making me close my eyes. Closing my eyes only heightened my interest in women… All this closing of eyes, singing, and avoiding is nonsense. Whatever you make taboo will flourish — I promise you this.”

Hmmm…so let’s respond point by point. But first, let’s define the word “taboo.”

Definition of Taboo

Taboo is both a noun and an adjective, for all of you grammar geeks!

So the argument goes that the act of forbidding something or forbidding discussion of it will automatically make it more appealing. That may be true if the child wants to rebel against the parents. However, in our experience, kids who enjoy a trusting relationship with their parents and feel comfortable talking to them are much more likely to heed their parent's early warning about the dangers of pornography.

Teaching about Taboos

That’s why we advocate talking to kids openly about pornography. It may be taboo (prohibited) for kids to view porn, but it should never be taboo to talk to your kids about the dangers of porn.

We warn our kids about a myriad of dangers in their lives. We want to prohibit them from doing many things because they are dangerous. Porn is simply one more danger parents raising kids in the digital age must add to their list.

“People Do Porn”

His argument continues like this:

“Tell them…sex happens and sometimes people do porn — lying about it is bogus.”

Actually, we would never recommend lying about the use of porn. In fact, we urge parents to tell kids the truth so they’ll understand why they would want to choose to reject porn. Porn is way more appealing to kids who don’t know the truth, who think that porn doesn’t harm anyone.

A recent study shows that college kids whose parents taught them to avoid it had less involvement with porn and more negative opinions of it.

Once kids have all the facts, they can make good decisions. They can use their thinking brain to remember viewing pornography has negative consequences. That’s not lying—that’s telling the truth!

Growing Up “Tremendously Lonely”

And now a few words about loneliness (and I get the sense that this man knows something about loneliness):

“When your kids do start dating and they have met a good boy or girl to date — help them with that relationship instead of harming it — so many parents destroy love for their kids and I hate to tell you — love is rare in this world. All the ‘thinking brain’ activation will be of no use when that child grows up and is tremendously lonely.”

First, our book (and Matt’s video) is geared to parenting young children—so dating is outside the scope of both. But now that he’s brought up loneliness, it’s helpful to teach kids that by using their thinking brain they can avoid the lies porn tells about people and develop healthy, trusting and loving relationships as they mature.

It’s porn addiction that isolates people and causes greater levels of loneliness–a natural result when you train your brain to bond to pixels on a screen instead of to a real person.

And speaking of loneliness—what about the divorce rate for porn addicts? One poll of matrimonial lawyers reports that 56% of their attorneys listed “obsessive interest in pornography sites” as a significant factor in their divorce cases that year. That was in 2002 before the iPhone and high speed internet access over mobile devices. Imagine what it must be today.

Porn, not porn-proofing, is a path to loneliness. As our friends over at Fight the New Drug say, Porn Kills Love. And they're right.

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Religion and Guilt

“The guilt trip that many fundamentalists put on their kids to keep them in line only works so long. I think this is where most religious people lose their kids.”

Good Pictures Bad Pictures and the CAN DO Plan™ are based on brain science and social science. All kids, religious or not, deserve to be warned about the brain and soul damaging effects of pornography. Our book models a parent who tries to reduce the shame a child may feel about being curious about pornography. No guilt trips there, or in Matt’s video, either.

We Can Agree on One Point

We believe that parents who simply forbid (without explaining why pornography is harmful and how they can reject it) may be leaving their child’s natural curiosity to “flourish”.

Where we differ: This commenter seems to believe that parents should just accept porn watching as normal and okay. They should just throw in the towel and give their kids over to the inevitable invasion of the porn industry.

Resistance is futile.

Abandon all hope.

NOT A CHANCE!!!

Need help talking to kids about pornography?

If the thought of talking to your child about the topic of pornography seems scary or awkward, don’t worry! Protect Young Minds is here to help you every step of the way. If you are new to our website, download our FREE Quick Start Guide for Proactive Parents.

Get answers to these important questions:

• Why are so many good kids getting pulled into pornography?
• How can parents get more comfortable talking to their kids?
• What are the benefits to tackling this subject early?
• What EXACTLY do your kids need to know to stay safe from pornography in every situation?

Learn all this and more in The Quick Start Guide for Proactive Parents. Get your FREE copy by clicking on the image below: