Sex Talks for Kids 3 to 13+: Easy Age-by-Age Guide for Parents

Just thinking about talking to your kid about sex probably makes you squirm. But the reality is, discussions about sex should happen earlier than you think. 

In today’s porn-saturated world, it’s crucial that your kids learn good information about sex from you. Starting early with age-appropriate discussions helps keep your child safer from sexual abuse while instilling your family’s values.

What age should kids know about sex? This guide offers a clear, age-by-age roadmap to help parents navigate these important conversations confidently. By tackling these topics thoughtfully and consistently, you can build trust, foster open communication, and empower your child to face life’s challenges safely.

Don’t miss our recommended books list at the end of this article!

Let’s dive in!

Talking to toddlers about body awareness (Ages 0-2)

• Correct names for all body parts (even penis and vagina). For example, if a young girl knows the names of her body parts, but not the name of a boy’s body parts, she will not have the vocabulary to report what may be happening to her.
• Functions of basic body parts–we see with our eyes, hear with our ears, etc. There’s no need to explain the functions of genitals at this point, but emphasizing that all our body parts have a function lays the groundwork for explaining sex in the future.
• Basic hygiene and the importance of taking good care of our bodies.

This lets kids know it’s ok to talk with their parents about body parts and helps them to better identify those parts for health or injury. 

Teaching preschoolers about body safety and boundaries (Ages 3-5)

All of the above, PLUS

• The difference between good touches and bad touches. We love Kimberly Perry’s Say No and Tell books as a great introduction to this topic. There are two tailored versions: one for boys featuring Daxton the Dolphin, and one for girls starring Maisie the Butterfly. These books offer engaging role-play scenarios that help practice body safety skills.
  
  Additionally, we recommend Kimberly King's book for parents, Body Safety for Young Children: Empowering Caring Adults. Written by a well-known prevention expert, this book is packed with practical tools and insights, empowering parents to keep their kids safer from sexual abuse.
  
  
• Model boundaries—if they ask not to be tickled, comply. If they don’t want to hug someone, don’t force it. Help them understand they need to respect others in the same way. Teach children boundaries rather than consent.
• Privacy—this is the age they need to learn that we do some things in private—like showering, using the bathroom, dressing, etc. (aside from when they need help from someone older to accomplish these tasks). Also that we only touch our private parts in private (to clean, etc.). They need to respect others’ privacy as well.
• Model positive body image in the way you speak about and treat your own body as well as theirs. Learn how to discuss body image with your child in Body Image Talking Points from Dr. Lexie Kite.
• Explain nudity and when and where nudity is appropriate.
• If they ask where babies come from, give a simple but truthful answer at the level your child can understand. We love how Megan and Mary Flo at Birds and Bees take a simple and direct approach with these types of questions. Check out their Instagram for lots of great answers to these types of questions.
• Similarities and differences in bodies (we all have nipples, but we don’t all have vaginas).
• How some pictures are good and some are not—and what they should do if they see a bad picture. Not only will this help them if they are exposed to pornography, but it also protects them from child predators who often use pornography to groom children. Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds, helps parents introduce this topic in an age appropriate way.

Related: 

• 5 Body Safety Rules Every 5-Year-Old Should Know 
• Do You Know Why Kids Masturbate? Therapist Gives 5 Reasons and Top Tips for a Healthy Response Plan

Talking to big kids about sex, pornography, and puberty (ages 6-8)

All of the above, PLUS

• More advanced talks about pornography—including an age-appropriate definition, how it is harmful, and a plan of action for rejecting it when they are exposed. Not sure where to start? We have three resources for this age group:
  • Course: Brain Defense: Digital Safety: A fun and easy way to teach your kids ages 8-12 the digital defense skills they need to stay safe online.
  • Book: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids​
  • Guide: How to Talk to Kids About Pornography: Quick Start Guide​
• To prepare yourself for when (not if) your child is exposed to pornography, our guidebook My Kid Saw Porn—Now What? A SMART Plan for Parents will give you a reassuring, step-by-step plan, plus tons of guidance from experts.
• Body safety skills and how to recognize when someone might be grooming them either online or offline. Make sure they understand they shouldn’t give personal information (name, age, address, phone number) to strangers online and they should never meet up with them. For more information, see The 3 Big Red Flags of Sexual Abuse and our guide How to Protect Kids from Sexual Abuse: Body Safety Toolkit. 
• More detailed description of the mechanics of sex. See 7 Things Your Seven-Year-Old Should Know about Love and Sex.
• Begin discussing puberty as children approach the age of 8. Prepare them for the fact that their bodies are getting ready to change to become an adult. 
• Gender and sexual identities—your kids may start to come across these topics at this age. Be open for discussion and teach them to treat others with respect. This helps establish that you are safe to discuss sensitive topics with. Listen to my interview with Dr. Christy Kane for more tips.

Talking to tweens about sex, masturbation, and nudes (ages 9-12)

All of the above, PLUS

• Discuss stereotypes/sexism and the need for mutual respect.
• Begin discussing harassment–what it is and how it’s not appropriate, what your child should do if they are harassed.
• Discuss body safety skills with them again to protect them from abuse. 
• Engage in more discussion about puberty—what they can expect to happen and what is happening to their bodies and emotions. 
• Continue with more detailed discussion about sex with more emphasis on the emotional, mental, spiritual side and when it’s appropriate. Share your definition of sexual integrity. You can borrow ours until you refine your own: Sexual integrity is being honest and careful with my sexual power by using it only within a committed relationship to show love and affection for my spouse and to create a family. Sexual integrity means that I don't use pornography to excite my body because that is misusing the purpose of my sexual power, as well as misusing others.
• Reassure them that you’re available and comfortable with their questions and that the internet isn’t a safe or completely accurate place to learn about puberty, sex, etc.
• Continue to discuss gender and sexual identities—continuing to reinforce that you are a safe person with whom to discuss this topic.
• Share your guidance on sexual self-discipline and masturbation–your thoughts and standards. See Do You Know Why Kids Masturbate? for tips on this subject.
• Continue to discuss pornography—our course, books, and guides make it easy
  • Course: Brain Defense: Digital Safety: Teach your kids ages 8-12 the skills they need to stay safe online!
  • Book: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids​
  • Guide: How to Talk to Kids About Pornography: Quick Start Guide​
• To prepare yourself for when (not if) your child is exposed to pornography, our guidebook My Kid Saw Porn—Now What? A SMART Plan for Parents will provide you with valuable resources to help you navigate this with your child.
• Talk directly about not sharing nudes with others. This may seem like something our kids would know, but you need to talk about it! See Police Officer Reveals 4 Legal Dangers When Minors Share Nudes for more information.
• Teach healthy body image habits. As children’s bodies start to change, this is an especially important time to model a healthy body image. We recommend parents read More Than a Body by Drs. Lexie and Lindsay Kite for a better understanding of how to approach this topic, especially with girls. (And watch for our interview with Dr. Lexie Kite!) 

Talking to teens about sex, sexual integrity, and boundaries (ages 13+)

All of the above, PLUS

• Share further details about sex with strong emphasis on the emotional, mental, and spiritual side in addition to the physical side. Elicit questions—have private time set aside to discuss their questions. Do you have difficulty with this topic? See Mom’s Dilemma: “How do I teach healthy sexual attitudes when I don't enjoy sex?.
• Continue to share your definition of sexual integrity–including where you stand in regards to masturbation and when it's appropriate to have sex. Reiterate the importance of boundaries for all physical contact, as well as defining sexual harassment—both to protect your child from harassment from others as well as preventing them from being the one to harass others.
• Teach them the differences between healthy and harmful relationships and red flags to watch out for when dating.
• Continue discussing gender and sexual identities.
• Expand the discussion on pornography and sharing nudes. For help with this conversation, see Cyberbullying and Sexting–Is Your Child’s Reputation at Risk?.
• Help them understand that pornography does not reflect real or healthy relationships. Emphasize the harmful effects of pornography to themselves, others and society. Brain Heart World, a video by Fight the New Drug is a great resource to illustrate these harms.
• To prepare for when (not if) your child is exposed to pornography, our guidebook My Kid Saw Porn—Now What? A SMART Plan for Parents has step by step strategies for helping you navigate this with your child. Also, be sure to check out Fortify–a pornography recovery program that’s FREE for teens!

Talking about sex and body safety with your kids doesn’t have to be overwhelming when you break the conversations up into age-appropriate steps. Remember, these discussions are ongoing and should evolve as your child grows.

If you’re looking for more resources to help you start or continue these conversations, explore our recommended books, guides, and courses linked throughout this guide. And don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more expert tips and tools to help you prepare your kids for today’s digital world.

Books we recommend

• Body Safety for Young Children: Empowering Caring Adults by Kimberly King
• Say No and Tell by Kimberly Perry
• Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen Jenson
• Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds by Kristen Jenson‍
• Good Pictures Bad Pictures Guidebook for Counseling Kids by Kristen Jenson

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