Will Talking about Porn Today Save Your Child's Marriage Tomorrow?
Another One Bites the Dust
I just heard about another divorce caused by pornography addiction. A few years ago when I read the statistic that 56% of all divorces name pornography addiction as a major factor, I was blown away. But now I wonder if that percentage is even higher!
This tragedy was similar to so many others. The ex-husband was exposed as a young child and never overcame his addiction to Internet pornography. (I know women also suffer with this addiction, but I haven’t personally heard of a divorce due to a woman’s addiction.)
I do know people who have overcome this addiction, but it takes a deep level of commitment, constant study, work and acceptance that life will never be “normal.” Giving up porn may mean the addict can never own a smartphone or other mobile device. They may need to shield themselves from most movies and TV shows and avoid shopping at the mall. Their spouse may always need to keep the password to their computer. I can see how humiliating it could be, and I'm grateful to know that some are willing to do whatever it takes to save their marriage.
I also know of people who lost everything dear to them (marriage, family relationships with their kids, even careers) and took the addiction with them to their grave.
How does pornography affect marriage?
Dr. Jill Manning lists 21 negative effects of porn in her book What's the Big Deal About Pornography? Here are ten that can negatively affect marriage:
- Increased risk of developing unhealthy views about sexuality
- Increased risk of getting involved in sexual behavior that is risky, unhealthy or illegal (hiring prostitutes, for example)
- Increased risk of experiencing difficulties in intimate relationships
- Increased risk of becoming violent or aggressive
- Increased risk of becoming sexually abusive toward others
- Decreased trust in your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse
- Increased risk of believing long-term relationships are not even realistic
- Increased risk of believing there is nothing wrong with being sexually active with someone you have no emotional involvement with or commitment to
- Increased risk of becoming sexually dissatisfied with your future spouse
- Increased risk of cheating on your spouse once you’re married
Saving Future Marriages
Last year, before we published Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids, I was at a writer’s retreat in the beautiful Northwest and met author Ramona Zabriskie, who had just published an excellent book on marriage. As I told her about my work in pornography addiction prevention she literally got goose bumps and with wide eyes said,
“I am trying to save today’s marriages, but YOU are going to save tomorrow's marriages!”
Of course, I'm not going to save them. Porn-proof kids are going to be better prepared to save their own marriages. Since then we’ve collaborated on a very informative webinar hosted by Ramona (which you should all listen to--we cover prevention strategies and also hear from a young woman who has worked with her husband in overcoming his addiction to porn which began at the age of five).
Porn-Proof = Better Marriage
I fervently believe that porn-proof kids have a much better chance at succeeding in their future marriages than those who bring a third partner--their pornography addiction--into their relationship.
I am feeling quite passionate about this today! Please don’t let your kids face this danger alone because you fear you're taking away their innocence. They are already targeted in the cross-hairs of the porn industry! They need a defense strategy in place before they get hit.
The Good News
You can empower your children! Kids can learn to defend themselves against porn if they are educated.
One more radical opinion. I do not believe that children have the full ability to choose until they have been taught the consequences of their choices. A curious child that is caught off guard by pornography without knowing how or why to turn away does not really have a free and clear choice to reject it. And more often than you realize, their innocence will be stolen from them because they didn't know any better.
OK, I’m done for today. But if you hear a scream coming all the way through the Internet, it’s me finding out that one more marriage has been destroyed by pornography.
[[CTA]]
Do you want to contribute to future healthy marriages? Please share Protect Young Minds with your friends and family!
Good Pictures Bad Pictures
"I really like the no-shame approach the author takes. It's so much more than just 'don't watch or look at porn.' It gave my children a real understanding about the brain and its natural response to pornography, how it can affect you if you look at it, and how to be prepared when you do come across it (since, let's face it... it's gonna happen at some point)." -Amazon Review by D.O.
